This worked for us:
Our son is a visual learner and struggles with understanding social concepts that most of us take for granted, like respect, trust and social give-and-take. He sometimes makes poor choices and doesn’t understand why that leads to negative consequences. I desperately wanted to teach him about how important it is to earn trust, so I had to make it visual.
I put three drinking glasses on the table. One filled to the top with water (I added some red food color for effect). The other two glasses were empty. Then I had two containers with some clear water in my hands. I explained that glass #1 (empty) represented the choices we make, glass #2 (empty) represented mom and dad’s trust in him and glass #3 (the one with red water) is how much mom and dad love him.
Then I started filling up glass #1 a little saying: Timothy did what he promised. Then filling glass #2 saying, our trust in you goes up. I came up with more examples of good choices and kept filling up glass 1 and 2 equally. Then I mentioned some poor choices he makes and had to pour out some water from glass 1 and glass 2, pointing out how trust goes “down” as a result of broken promises, stealing and lying. He got the message; that trust is earned by good choices, honesty and reliability.
Then I pointed to the third glass, still full and nicely red. “Did you notice how the water-level in this glass never changed? Just like mom and dad’s love for you never changes, no matter what you say or do , or don’t say or don’t do.”
He loved the visual “experiment” but it didn’t take long before he told me: “mom, I’m not playing you dumb game, anymore” For about a week we kept talking about trust and how to earn it, and it is slowly starting to sink in. It also helped that I pointed out how his dad, brother and I had to earn trust, also.
Now, instead of nagging him to do things, I can usually just tell him “Timothy, trust” and he will make a greater effort to comply quickly, trying to earn trust for future privileges. Once in a while he’ll make a good choice and ask: “mom, does trust go up?” These are glimpses of hope for me after years of challenges and trying to figure out how to get through to my little “Aspie”.
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